Stuck

I’ am presently stuck because I can’t move away from my current life status. You see I am working as a case manager and not as a social worker at my current job. I don’t hate the job but it’s not my profession. I’ve tried to get a job as a social worker, but I’ve been unable to because like I have mentioned before I don’t have the license to practice. You see I failed the exam once again; this time by one fucking point. I can’t believe it. Now I have to take it again in the hopes that I pass it. I can’t move forward with out passing it, so I am stuck in the mean time. I am stuck as a case manager and can’t make enough money to pay my bills; especially my student’s loans. I am very depressed over this situation and can’t seem to get out it unless I pass the test is the only way. ┬áTo add insult to injury; I am still stuck on my ex lover. He is awful even though he is still with his twenty nine year old girlfriend he still looks for me in the hopes that I will lay with him. I don’t get it. If he is so happy with this girl/child what is the problem why would he still reach out to me for sexual favors? Is it his ego or what. I don’t understand. When he reaches out I get illusions and think that he is going to break with her, but it has not happened yet. I know I am being stupid for even wanting him back, but I still love him, so I am letting my heart rule me. I know I must forget him and I know I will, but in the mean time I am horny and want him badly so he could quell those feelings. In addition, I am stuck regarding my social life. I don’t have very many friends and the ones I do have are not very supportive. When so call friend have I am convinced now that she is not a true friend and called me a crazy bitch then the next day tried to make a joke of it. I have not given her response to name calling and don’t intend to speak to her ever again. I will miss her but that is it. No more contact. That’s it! The only friend that I could count on moved to Florida recently. So in the mean time I am stuck with no real friends. It’s my fault that I don’t have more friends. I don’t have many because I don’t really go out. I really don’t want too even though I live in New York City where there is so much to do. So in the mean time I am stuck with all this bullshit and no good friends. I know I have to put more effort to change my situation, but I am so stuck that I don’t have the energy to even start. I feel like I am in a bottomless pit. I have tried to pray and supplicate to God to help me, but it’s falling on death ears. Which makes me feel empty and have doubts that God even exist. I intend to write in the future about those thoughts and doubts about God. On that note I will continue to cry every chance I get and remain stuck until I can muster the energy to get unstuck.