Fast Forward

New York City

My life is in fast forward not too fast but fast none the less. I was going to talk about my elusive relationship with the man that I love, but decided it against it. I will write about that another time. Instead what I want to share is that again I failed the exam by one point. I might have shared that already but don’t want to scroll through my blog to check, so sorry if I am repeating myself. Anyway I could not believe it when I pressed the completed exam key and found out that I failed once again. I have an excuses for failing this time; I told a lot of people that I was taking the exam and by doing so all I did was put more pressure on myself to pass. Then I took the exam at 4:00 p.m. and that is really not when I am at my best. I am a morning person and do my best work in the a.m. However, I am going to give it another try and hopefully this time I will get through and pass it. In the mean time, I got a call on Thursday May 19th that involved a job offer . I was shocked because after I interviewed for the position I thought that the interview went well, but that nothing would come of it because they were interviewing other people that perhaps had their license in social work. Anyway to make a long story short I got the social worker position serving people with substance abuse issues and HIV/AIDS  and expect to start June 6th 2011. I am happy and decided to take the exam again before my start date.  I am wondering though what to do if I pass the exam. I wonder if I should stay at this job for a bit or start looking for job that will pay more.  Anyway I am rambling so I will stop writing for today. All I wanted to do was update my status and confirm that life is moving fast forward.

                                                                                      ~o~0~0~

 ” Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer” Dennis Waitley

Advertisements

Preparing

William Adolphe Bouguereau 1825-1905

Today at 4:00 p.m. I will take the exam for my license for social work. I studied some, but as usual not as much as I should have. I should be ashamed of myself for that. I am nervous as I prepare to go. I want to be as focused as possible during the exam and hope to pass it. I need to pass it because my future depends on it. If I do pass it I will be able to get a decent job and will leave some worries behind. I will be able to pay some of my school debt and other things too. I can’t think of anything else to write. Oh except that I met up with a good friend this weekend. She is a pastor. She took me out to dinner and before letting me go from her car we prayed for me to pass the exam. I am so thankful for her blessings. Anyway on that note I will stop writing for now and hope the next time I write is to say that I passed the exam.

Things

Lichenstein

On Thursday February 3rd went on a interview. The job is to be a social worker for people with traumatic injuries that want to remain home and as independent as possible. My role would be to assess and determine with the client what goals may be attainable. I really hope that I get the job. The Job is right up my ally. The company is checking my background and I think that is a good sign. If they were not interested they would not do that. Lately too I have been studying for the social work license exam, but I am ashamed to say; not as hard as I should be.  Today so far I’ve been on the computer and have done nothing else. I do plan do some constructive things like clean the apartment and then of course study, but only time will tell if I do that. I must though and should take things more seriously. I am not sure what is wrong with me and keeping me from doing the things I am suppose to do. I’ve become really careless and not disciplined and that is not good. However, writing this keeps things in perspective. The writing helps makes the things I am suppose to do seem very important and a must do.  Well in keeping with what I am suppose to do I will stop writing for now.

Happy!

Happy! today because I took the practice exam by the association of social workers and passed it. This makes me happy for many reasons. One reason is by passing the exam it offers me obvious hope that I will pass the actual exam. I am taking it on February 28th. I want to get it over with and move on with my life that will surely will get better if I pass the exam. That is all I have to say today. Happy is the feeling I will relish today.

Nervous

By John Godward

I have been nervous these days because next month I take my licensing exam for social work. I am also nervous because I don’t have a job again and can’t get one until I am licensed. That scares me a lot. I am suppose to be studying and I have been procrastinating despite the fear. What is wrong with me I ask. I have tried to study but not enough. Today I plan too study, but who knows what will happen today to stop me. I don’t know what to do about the procrastinating and can’t help but think that it could be self sabotage. As far is working is concerned, I want to work, but after getting terminated from my last job I feel like I can’t perform anymore in my chosen field. I am nervous and fear that I may not be fit to be a social worker. I am very disillusioned and can’t seem to be able to snap out of it. I just hope that I do soon so I can start my career up and running again. Until then I will keep trying and I hope enough to get me out of this quandary. I have never felt so inept in my whole life. I been known to be driven and able to achieve anything that I want to achieve, but now I feel defeated and unable to get passed these feelings. I worry that “I have fallen and can’t get up.” I don’t pray or meditate often, but I think in this case I better get down to the floor and start for I need all the support I can get from my higher power. Finally, I hope that when I write again I will be able to say that I got passed all that negativity, but for now I am nervous that I won’t get passed it.

Comfortably Numb

Feeling comfortably numb these days. I lost my job on April 23, 2010. Excuses; I lost it after having five supervisors. I felt during my time at that job that I was not being productive due to all the changes that kept arising on how to perform the job. I could not keep up and felt overwhelmed often. I tried daily to cut it and do my job, but most of the time it was impossible. I did finally become comfortable with my performance but it was too late and I got terminated. Today I spend most of my days on the computer. I am suppose to study for a license exam for Social Work, but I have not started. I did schedule study time for today at 3:00 p.m. I just hope I don’t find an excuse not to do it. As for feeling comfortably numb I say that because I have decided to just hide out in my apartment and try to feel and think as little as possible about my career and relationships.  I think it’s just a defense mechanism for now. I don’t think I will stay this way for very long because I am driven and go after what I want in all aspects of my life. I say I won’t stay this way very long but unfortunately I don’t know when I will be able to pick myself and start to face my challenges. I know I will but when is the question. I feel really comfortable in this mode. For now I will stay this way; comfortably numb for an unknown period of time.