Lots things have been going on, so have not been able to post as much as I would like to. Just want to touch base and say I am ok and will post something soon!
I feel like I am loosing ground because I can’t find a job, feel lost, and lonely. I am trying really hard to change all that, but it’s been so difficult. For one I thought that by getting my license for social work would mean that I would find employers knocking on my door, but it has not been that way. I can’t find a job. I have prospects but they are not happening fast enough for me. As for two feeling lost I guess it has a lot to do with number one. I feel like I don’t have my feet on the ground and that I am just flying all over the place. I feel aimless. For number three I’ve been feeling lonely for a long time. I live alone and at night it really kicks my ass to be alone. The loneliness also kicks in the morning when I wake up to my reality. I start crying like a baby most days and it’s so hard to snap out of it. I know that if someone were around I would not feel the pain I feel so deeply. Well I must say that as long as I am trying I will be alright. May be by saying I am loosing ground could be too much. I should may be say I am unsteady instead.
I’ am presently stuck because I can’t move away from my current life status. You see I am working as a case manager and not as a social worker at my current job. I don’t hate the job but it’s not my profession. I’ve tried to get a job as a social worker, but I’ve been unable to because like I have mentioned before I don’t have the license to practice. You see I failed the exam once again; this time by one fucking point. I can’t believe it. Now I have to take it again in the hopes that I pass it. I can’t move forward with out passing it, so I am stuck in the mean time. I am stuck as a case manager and can’t make enough money to pay my bills; especially my student’s loans. I am very depressed over this situation and can’t seem to get out it unless I pass the test is the only way. To add insult to injury; I am still stuck on my ex lover. He is awful even though he is still with his twenty nine year old girlfriend he still looks for me in the hopes that I will lay with him. I don’t get it. If he is so happy with this girl/child what is the problem why would he still reach out to me for sexual favors? Is it his ego or what. I don’t understand. When he reaches out I get illusions and think that he is going to break with her, but it has not happened yet. I know I am being stupid for even wanting him back, but I still love him, so I am letting my heart rule me. I know I must forget him and I know I will, but in the mean time I am horny and want him badly so he could quell those feelings. In addition, I am stuck regarding my social life. I don’t have very many friends and the ones I do have are not very supportive. When so call friend have I am convinced now that she is not a true friend and called me a crazy bitch then the next day tried to make a joke of it. I have not given her response to name calling and don’t intend to speak to her ever again. I will miss her but that is it. No more contact. That’s it! The only friend that I could count on moved to Florida recently. So in the mean time I am stuck with no real friends. It’s my fault that I don’t have more friends. I don’t have many because I don’t really go out. I really don’t want too even though I live in New York City where there is so much to do. So in the mean time I am stuck with all this bullshit and no good friends. I know I have to put more effort to change my situation, but I am so stuck that I don’t have the energy to even start. I feel like I am in a bottomless pit. I have tried to pray and supplicate to God to help me, but it’s falling on death ears. Which makes me feel empty and have doubts that God even exist. I intend to write in the future about those thoughts and doubts about God. On that note I will continue to cry every chance I get and remain stuck until I can muster the energy to get unstuck.
I’ve posted this blog to show support and show love to the LGBT community. In my post you will find stories, videos and information regarding the LGBT community.
All I have to say it ain’t right that lesbians, gay, bisexuals and transgenders people have to be scrutinized for being who they are. It’s prejudice. These people have a hard enough time dealing with their sexuality and they don’t need us to judge them. So don’t judge. Let them be. We all have the same rights. No one has more rights than the other. So shut the fuck up if you are prejudiced against this group of people. In my dedication I post several videos one from The It Gets Better Project and by Gylne Tider Let it Be. I also have posted information on websites that provide support and some that do not support; organizations, government that currently does not support same sex marriage or the serving in the military if your are openly gay.
Harvey Milk was a civil rights advocate and was killed for it.
Harvey Milk as a Child
Harvey was born in New York.
This is Harvey on his horse around the time he was in first grade.
This bullhorn is on display at our school.
We Remember Harvey
Every year, many people light candles to remember Harvey. They remember the good things that he did. They also remember the terrible thing that happened to Harvey and the Mayor, George Moscone.
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Welcome to the LGBT portal!
Same-sex couple holding hands
LGBT (also GLBT) and variations are initialisms used to refer collectively to lesbian, gay,bisexual, transgender, and queer-identified people. Variations that are sometimes used include—but are not limited to—adding “Q” for queer or questioning, “I” for intersex, or “S” (or “A”) forstraight allies. While LGBT is often used as a short way to refer to the various LGBT demographic groups, LGBT individuals themselves usually identify by other labels (such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer), or by no label at all.
Around the world, government policies regarding LGBT people range from the death penalty for sexual acts to civil marriages or partnerships for same-sex couples. Living conditions around the world also range from near-unanimous acceptance of public displays of affection to total discrimination in all areas such as housing or employment.
Will & Grace is an American television sitcom that was originally broadcast on NBC from 1998 to 2006. The show takes place in New York City and focuses on Will Truman, a gay lawyer, and his best friend Grace Adler, a straightJewish woman who runs her own interior design firm. Also featured are their friends Karen Walker, a rich socialite, and Jack McFarland, a struggling gay actor/singer/dancer who also has had brief careers as a choreographer, cater-waiter, talk-show host and nurse.
See also: 2010 in LGBT rights
U.S. president Jimmy Carter with Andy Warhol in 1977. Warhol was famous worldwide for his work as a painter, an avant-garde filmmaker, a record producer, an author and a public figure. He was one of the first major U.S. artists to be open about being gay.
This month’s birthdays
Sir Ian Murray McKellen,CH, CBE (born 25 May 1939), is an English actor of stageand screen, the recipient of the Tony Award and twoAcademy Award nominations. His work has spanned genres from Shakespearean and modern theatre to popular fantasy and science fiction. He is known to many for roles such asGandalf in the Lord of the Rings film trilogy and as Magneto in the X-Men films.
Did you know…
The following articles and lists have been identified as some of the best produced by the Wikipedia community:
The NOH8 Campaign is a silent protest photo project against California Proposition 8. The campaign features photographs portraying people in front of a white backdrop wearing white t-shirts, their mouths taped shut and “NOH8” painted on their cheek. The campaign was created on February 1, 2009 by photographer Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley. The photos are featured on the campaign’s website, Facebook, Flickr, Twitter, MySpace, as well as a virtual world campaign in Second Life.[unreliable source?]
Currently, 2000 official photos have been taken and 1400 photos have been submitted by supporters. Some photographers and student groups have even set up their own photoshoots. The campaign photos have circulated on the internet and are appearing on many supporter’s social networking profiles, mostly gays and lesbians from the Los Angelesarea.
During the Miss USA 2009 controversy, former Miss USA, Shanna Moakler and co-executive state pageant director Keith Lewis encouragedTamiko Nash, Miss California and Miss USA 2006 first runner-up, and 2008 Miss California Raquel Beezley to attend a photo shoot to protest Carrie Prejean‘s views on same-sex marriage in the United States. Later, former Miss USA and Miss Universe 1997 Brook Leeposed for the NOH8 campaign.
- ^ “NOH8 Campaign SL’s photostream”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “NOH8 Campaign – Second Life”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.[dead link]
- ^ a b “NO H8 Campaign”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “Local photographer Debra Gloria gives some NOH8 action of her own”.
- ^ “Students strike pose to support NOH8 campaign”.
- ^ Nixon, Tim (2009-11-19). “Kardashian girls keep it schtum”.The Sun (London). Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ McCain, Meghan (June 19, 2009). “Why I Posed Against Prop 8”. The Daily Beast. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “No H8 Photos Take Over Facebook”. The Advocate.
- ^ “Shanna Moakler, Former Miss Universe Brook Lee Rally for Anti-Prop 8 Ad Campaign”. Fox News. 2009-04-29. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “NOH8 Campaign PSA”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “NOH8 Campaign’s “I’m Coming Out” PSA”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
- ^ “Twitter / NOH8 Campaign: Mark your calendars…”. Retrieved 2009-11-19.
|This article about lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender topics is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.|
I have been nervous these days because next month I take my licensing exam for social work. I am also nervous because I don’t have a job again and can’t get one until I am licensed. That scares me a lot. I am suppose to be studying and I have been procrastinating despite the fear. What is wrong with me I ask. I have tried to study but not enough. Today I plan too study, but who knows what will happen today to stop me. I don’t know what to do about the procrastinating and can’t help but think that it could be self sabotage. As far is working is concerned, I want to work, but after getting terminated from my last job I feel like I can’t perform anymore in my chosen field. I am nervous and fear that I may not be fit to be a social worker. I am very disillusioned and can’t seem to be able to snap out of it. I just hope that I do soon so I can start my career up and running again. Until then I will keep trying and I hope enough to get me out of this quandary. I have never felt so inept in my whole life. I been known to be driven and able to achieve anything that I want to achieve, but now I feel defeated and unable to get passed these feelings. I worry that “I have fallen and can’t get up.” I don’t pray or meditate often, but I think in this case I better get down to the floor and start for I need all the support I can get from my higher power. Finally, I hope that when I write again I will be able to say that I got passed all that negativity, but for now I am nervous that I won’t get passed it.
It seems right that I have not spoken to him for a few days. I have not spoken to my “ex lover” in 3 whole days. To me thats is a lot. I don’t know when we will speak again. I miss him, yet I feel that this is right to not speak and or see each other for a while. It’s alright because like I mentioned before in my previous posts he is seeing someone new. He has decided to move on with out me. It seems right today only I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow. Today I did cry about it before I even started my day, but right now at 3:37 p.m. Eastern time I feel a lot better. I have decided that I don’t deserve the way has treated me and that the last time we spoke he was very mean towards me and I still have a ringing in my ears from all the yelling between the two of us. I even broke a vase during our heated discussion. I will admit that felt pretty good to throw and break the vase. However, I decided today that I will try with all my might not contact him anymore because I finally realize he does not care for me at all. Right now I need people in my life who are supportive of me and care for me and I don’t believe he falls into that category. Currently I am listening to a song by Eddie Kendricks titled “He is a friend of mine” and even though I am not religious I feel that is what I need to do is reach towards my higher power to help sustain me through all of this; missing him. I almost feel rejuvenated and almost sure my ex does too. I think we both realize that our relationship most of the time especially when we were apart was toxic. I say when were apart because usually that is when we fought. We fought over the phone and the fights were usually verbally abusive from both parties. Now that I have finally accepted that I need to step back and get out of his way. I see things a lot more clear and hopefully now I will be able to move on a little easier. In my previous post and because of my desperation I thought I was getting sick mentally. I thought that my bipolar symptoms were flaring up. I even called my doctor to help me. That was on Tuesday and he still has not called me back. I don’t care anymore that my doctor did not call back because I feel a lot better, but that does not say much about my doctor. That was really careless of him not to respond, but then again I know that his Mother is very ill in Venezuela and perhaps that is where he is, yet he should have an answering service for emergencies. Luckily I think now I did not have an emergency. I feel a lot better and I even feel rejuvenated and that is a good feeling to finally have. I think what has helped is that I do have people I can talk to even though often I think I don’t. They are there and I say Amen to that for I would not know where I would be today if it were not for them. Well like I said before it all seems right where I am right now and may be it’s where I need to be. I also need to learn from it and hope that it never happens again. I don’t think it will, but you never know and if does I will run for the hills as soon as I get an inkling that I will be in the same situation. Now at 4:00 pm Eastern time I am going to listen to my Itunes (music) and rest something that had stopped doing for a little while because I felt so badly.