Changes Coming Down the Pike

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Changes are coming down the pike at work. I work from home and the higher ups  are implementing some rules that I don’t like for instance, they created an activity sheet, so staff can account for all their  work time. May be that’s minor but that’s micro managing and I hate that.  Don’t get me wrong I love my job and intend to stay with it for the long haul. I am  also grateful to have a job that pays the bills. You know what I am going to chalk it all up to the ways of the work world and that’s it not personal.

Now I will share about my love life. It’s going o.k. still with the same man. He at times can be very difficult and makes me want to run away and forget him, but I love him a lot and don’t want to do that, so just like my job I will remain and endure the difficulties with out complaining too much. You see life is good and I am grateful to be in the mix and living.  

Will end my post with a quote:

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word – excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. Pearl S. Buck

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Nervous

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As I smoke my daily dose of cigarettes I wonder where will I be in a couple of months. Currently working as a therapist. My boss said I am not keeping up with the numbers. You see it’s all about productivity and not the quality of the therapy. I trying to keep up with the numbers, but I forget and just focus on therapy. I am starting not to feel comfortable at work. I need the occasional pat on the shoulder and it’ does not look like it’s coming anytime soon. I’ve started to apply for other jobs, yet I keep decorating my office like I am staying for the remainder. My point is that I feel almost terrified about what could happen in the next few months like getting fired once again. I am scared about that, but then again I welcome it because I am starting to become unhappy where I work because it’s all about the the numbers.

Loosing Ground

I feel like I am loosing ground because I can’t find a job, feel lost, and lonely. I am trying really hard to change all that, but it’s been so difficult. For one I thought that by getting my license for social work would mean that I would find employers knocking on my door, but it has not been that way. I can’t find a job. I have prospects but they are not happening fast enough for me. As for two feeling lost I guess it has a lot to do with number one. I feel like I don’t have my feet on the ground and that I am just flying all over the place. I feel aimless. For number three I’ve been feeling lonely for a long time. I live alone and at night it really kicks my ass to be alone. The loneliness also kicks in the morning when I wake up to my reality. I start crying like a baby most days and it’s so hard to snap out of it. I know that if someone were around I would not feel the pain I feel so deeply. Well I must say that as long as I am trying I will be alright. May be by saying I am loosing ground could be too much. I should may be say I am unsteady instead.

Fast Forward

New York City

My life is in fast forward not too fast but fast none the less. I was going to talk about my elusive relationship with the man that I love, but decided it against it. I will write about that another time. Instead what I want to share is that again I failed the exam by one point. I might have shared that already but don’t want to scroll through my blog to check, so sorry if I am repeating myself. Anyway I could not believe it when I pressed the completed exam key and found out that I failed once again. I have an excuses for failing this time; I told a lot of people that I was taking the exam and by doing so all I did was put more pressure on myself to pass. Then I took the exam at 4:00 p.m. and that is really not when I am at my best. I am a morning person and do my best work in the a.m. However, I am going to give it another try and hopefully this time I will get through and pass it. In the mean time, I got a call on Thursday May 19th that involved a job offer . I was shocked because after I interviewed for the position I thought that the interview went well, but that nothing would come of it because they were interviewing other people that perhaps had their license in social work. Anyway to make a long story short I got the social worker position serving people with substance abuse issues and HIV/AIDS  and expect to start June 6th 2011. I am happy and decided to take the exam again before my start date.  I am wondering though what to do if I pass the exam. I wonder if I should stay at this job for a bit or start looking for job that will pay more.  Anyway I am rambling so I will stop writing for today. All I wanted to do was update my status and confirm that life is moving fast forward.

                                                                                      ~o~0~0~

 ” Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer” Dennis Waitley