Emotional Obstacles

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I cannot bring myself to fuck anyone because I have all these emotions in the way. I don’t want to give my body to just anybody, so I’ve created an emotional obstacle that people interested in me need to overcome. Not that there is a flock of people knocking on my door. That’s another story. I’ve been horny for sometime now, but I cannot bring myself to do it with anyone. So I am resorting to about three times per week playing with myself with my trusty shower head and by the way it ooh feels so good, but nothing can match being with another human. Emotional obstacles have caused me to be isolated and lonely at times, but I will not let that comprise my standards for fucking with anyone. In the meantime, I will live with these emotions and work through them before I let anyone lay in my bed. I don’t want emotional obstacles to get in the way of fucking or may be even love making. It’s a healthy way of thinking so kudos to me for feeling this way. For anyone reading this I ask should I just let my horniness over come me or should I work through my emotions until my obstacles are gone and I am free to let someone in?

My Reflection

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When I wake up in the morning and see my reflection while washing my teeth I hate the way I look. I hate what I see because I associate it with the feelings of rejection by my ex lover.  In my reflection I see an ugly woman who has no future in love. In my reflection I see a woman that needs to compete with all woman that I consider more beautiful than me. In my reflection I compete with the woman that has my ex lovers love. In my reflection I see the face of depression and loss. Waking up to my reflection brings a deluge of bad feelings that take hours to shake off. In my reflection I don’t see the chance to overcome this feeling anytime soon. In my reflection I see the face of a lonely women getting old.  In my reflection I can’t find peace and all I want to do is break the mirror with the hopes that my reflection will change. This ugly reflection will only go away when forget my ex lover and stop competing with my imaginary foes. This ugly reflection will only go away when I face myself and say I can overcome these feelings. I will overcome the feelings by saying to myself this too shall pass and will move on. In my reflection eventually I will see beauty and a hopeful future in all my endeavors, but right now my reflection is failing me and all I see is horror. Through my reflection I will put up with the feelings of failure. Know eventually I will try to be strong and will be able to face the cruelty of my reflection. I know eventually I will feel some determination and will fight and will conquer but in the meantime I will look at my reflection and say here I am looking at me.

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Vulnerable

 

 

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Feeling vulnerable today. Feel that way because find I myself alone and almost willing to let a stranger into my abode. The feeling at times to feel “loved” is immense. I want someone to hold me in their arms and praise me and say tender things to me. My vulnerability is such that I could make a mistake and fall into the wrong arms.

Yes I have old lovers that I could turn to fill the need but I don’t want them. I want to be with someone new. Believe I’ve become this way because six months ago I lost the man I love. I would gladly return to his arms but his arms are filled with another. I know if I enter a relationship soon after loosing another it will be a rebound, so I will try to restrain myself and not look for arms that will only hold me for a moment and not the long haul. I will try to deal with my vulnerability by loving myself in more ways than one if you know what I mean. I will pamper myself and remain hopeful for good things yet to come. I really don’t believe good things will come and only wish that I could go back to the man that I love. Finally, my vulnerability and need to be held I know will subside and will be strong again, but in the mean I feel vulnerable.

I can’t culminate

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Culminate ~ To reach the highest point or degree; climax. I get excited, yet I can’t culminate. The man I love takes me there all the time. He takes me to height of  excitement to the point where I can bare it any longer, yet I can’t culminate. He is fierce in his love making and I do love it, but I can’t culminate. During the act of love making unfortunately I can’t take my mind off of things. It’s the of the stupidest things that I think about. I know that does not allow me to culminate. I also think the problem is after I see him since I don’t culminate when I get home I take care of myself with the trusty water facet in the bathtub. I plan not to that anymore because I don’t want my man to continue competing with a water faucet. Once I do that the next time I have sex with him surely I will culminate.Surely I will culminate with him soon and I can’t wait for that moment of sheer delight. Ah I know it’s going to feel real, real good.