I needed to lay eyes on you and I did. You finally let me see you. You did not let me kiss but just seeing you was enough. Now feel tranquil for about a week I know.
I’ve done it again because I love him. I held on and now it blew up in my face again. I try to let go, but have been unsuccessful thus far. What I am trying to say is that he met someone new. He met her about 6 years ago, but now they are dating. He stated he likes her, but does not know if they will have a serious relationship. Once he told me that information I’ve removed myself. I did not tell him that I will not see him, but that’s what I’ve decided. I will not play the other one and subject myself to pain. The one thing I can say that I will do is stay away and because I’ve made the decision to that now I wake up since I found out the news in anguish. I cry like a baby for him because I miss him so much. Yeah it’s the same guy that I keep writing about. I have not tired of him and have not let him go as much as he pleads for that. I have to respect his wishes and will let go of how I feel for him eventually, but in the meantime I will cry and kick and screaming saying no this can’t happen once again. Why wont’ I learn my lesson and realized that he does not care for me in a romantic way? Finally, I would like to say that I am trying to let go and will eventually it’s just that it takes time. To me this feel like something has died and like I said before because of that feeling I wake up daily in the mornings in anguish. For those of you who read my blog please root for me and tell me I have to let go, but in the mean time I will love him from a distance. Song below kinda says how I feel.
I’ am presently stuck because I can’t move away from my current life status. You see I am working as a case manager and not as a social worker at my current job. I don’t hate the job but it’s not my profession. I’ve tried to get a job as a social worker, but I’ve been unable to because like I have mentioned before I don’t have the license to practice. You see I failed the exam once again; this time by one fucking point. I can’t believe it. Now I have to take it again in the hopes that I pass it. I can’t move forward with out passing it, so I am stuck in the mean time. I am stuck as a case manager and can’t make enough money to pay my bills; especially my student’s loans. I am very depressed over this situation and can’t seem to get out it unless I pass the test is the only way. To add insult to injury; I am still stuck on my ex lover. He is awful even though he is still with his twenty nine year old girlfriend he still looks for me in the hopes that I will lay with him. I don’t get it. If he is so happy with this girl/child what is the problem why would he still reach out to me for sexual favors? Is it his ego or what. I don’t understand. When he reaches out I get illusions and think that he is going to break with her, but it has not happened yet. I know I am being stupid for even wanting him back, but I still love him, so I am letting my heart rule me. I know I must forget him and I know I will, but in the mean time I am horny and want him badly so he could quell those feelings. In addition, I am stuck regarding my social life. I don’t have very many friends and the ones I do have are not very supportive. When so call friend have I am convinced now that she is not a true friend and called me a crazy bitch then the next day tried to make a joke of it. I have not given her response to name calling and don’t intend to speak to her ever again. I will miss her but that is it. No more contact. That’s it! The only friend that I could count on moved to Florida recently. So in the mean time I am stuck with no real friends. It’s my fault that I don’t have more friends. I don’t have many because I don’t really go out. I really don’t want too even though I live in New York City where there is so much to do. So in the mean time I am stuck with all this bullshit and no good friends. I know I have to put more effort to change my situation, but I am so stuck that I don’t have the energy to even start. I feel like I am in a bottomless pit. I have tried to pray and supplicate to God to help me, but it’s falling on death ears. Which makes me feel empty and have doubts that God even exist. I intend to write in the future about those thoughts and doubts about God. On that note I will continue to cry every chance I get and remain stuck until I can muster the energy to get unstuck.
Today at 4:00 p.m. I will take the exam for my license for social work. I studied some, but as usual not as much as I should have. I should be ashamed of myself for that. I am nervous as I prepare to go. I want to be as focused as possible during the exam and hope to pass it. I need to pass it because my future depends on it. If I do pass it I will be able to get a decent job and will leave some worries behind. I will be able to pay some of my school debt and other things too. I can’t think of anything else to write. Oh except that I met up with a good friend this weekend. She is a pastor. She took me out to dinner and before letting me go from her car we prayed for me to pass the exam. I am so thankful for her blessings. Anyway on that note I will stop writing for now and hope the next time I write is to say that I passed the exam.
I am still strung out on him. I miss him dearly it’s been seven months now that we are no longer together. I miss touching him and kissing his lips. In fact I miss kissing him all over. I know that it’s over and that it will never be the way it was. Even if we meet again it will never be the way it was. I think about that and I get angry and sad. However, I’ve decided that because I suffered so much with longing for him that for a very long time I will not get involved with anyone else. I want to do that because I need to forget him completely before I can let someone else in. I need to heal and truly forget him. I still think of him and wish that were together again, yet I know and hate to accept that its not happening not now and not ever. For now I will savor my memories of him for he can’t take the love away that I feel for him.
Today is Christmas eve and I feel ok. I will not be giving gifts because I cannot afford too. I have three nieces that I would like to give gifts too but can’t. Hopefully next year I will be able to. Today I have plans to spend the early part of the day with a friend. Then I plan to stay home alone. That’s no problem I prefer it that way. I always have. New years eve I plan to do the same thing. Today I actually feel pretty good and don’t want to complain, so all I will say is have a Merry Christmas.
I’ve posted this blog to show support and show love to the LGBT community. In my post you will find stories, videos and information regarding the LGBT community.
All I have to say it ain’t right that lesbians, gay, bisexuals and transgenders people have to be scrutinized for being who they are. It’s prejudice. These people have a hard enough time dealing with their sexuality and they don’t need us to judge them. So don’t judge. Let them be. We all have the same rights. No one has more rights than the other. So shut the fuck up if you are prejudiced against this group of people. In my dedication I post several videos one from The It Gets Better Project and by Gylne Tider Let it Be. I also have posted information on websites that provide support and some that do not support; organizations, government that currently does not support same sex marriage or the serving in the military if your are openly gay.
Harvey Milk was a civil rights advocate and was killed for it.
Harvey Milk as a Child
Harvey was born in New York.
This is Harvey on his horse around the time he was in first grade.
This bullhorn is on display at our school.
We Remember Harvey
Every year, many people light candles to remember Harvey. They remember the good things that he did. They also remember the terrible thing that happened to Harvey and the Mayor, George Moscone.
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Welcome to the LGBT portal!
Same-sex couple holding hands
LGBT (also GLBT) and variations are initialisms used to refer collectively to lesbian, gay,bisexual, transgender, and queer-identified people. Variations that are sometimes used include—but are not limited to—adding “Q” for queer or questioning, “I” for intersex, or “S” (or “A”) forstraight allies. While LGBT is often used as a short way to refer to the various LGBT demographic groups, LGBT individuals themselves usually identify by other labels (such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer), or by no label at all.
Around the world, government policies regarding LGBT people range from the death penalty for sexual acts to civil marriages or partnerships for same-sex couples. Living conditions around the world also range from near-unanimous acceptance of public displays of affection to total discrimination in all areas such as housing or employment.
Will & Grace is an American television sitcom that was originally broadcast on NBC from 1998 to 2006. The show takes place in New York City and focuses on Will Truman, a gay lawyer, and his best friend Grace Adler, a straightJewish woman who runs her own interior design firm. Also featured are their friends Karen Walker, a rich socialite, and Jack McFarland, a struggling gay actor/singer/dancer who also has had brief careers as a choreographer, cater-waiter, talk-show host and nurse.
See also: 2010 in LGBT rights
U.S. president Jimmy Carter with Andy Warhol in 1977. Warhol was famous worldwide for his work as a painter, an avant-garde filmmaker, a record producer, an author and a public figure. He was one of the first major U.S. artists to be open about being gay.
This month’s birthdays
Sir Ian Murray McKellen,CH, CBE (born 25 May 1939), is an English actor of stageand screen, the recipient of the Tony Award and twoAcademy Award nominations. His work has spanned genres from Shakespearean and modern theatre to popular fantasy and science fiction. He is known to many for roles such asGandalf in the Lord of the Rings film trilogy and as Magneto in the X-Men films.
Did you know…
The following articles and lists have been identified as some of the best produced by the Wikipedia community:
The NOH8 Campaign is a silent protest photo project against California Proposition 8. The campaign features photographs portraying people in front of a white backdrop wearing white t-shirts, their mouths taped shut and “NOH8” painted on their cheek. The campaign was created on February 1, 2009 by photographer Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley. The photos are featured on the campaign’s website, Facebook, Flickr, Twitter, MySpace, as well as a virtual world campaign in Second Life.[unreliable source?]
Currently, 2000 official photos have been taken and 1400 photos have been submitted by supporters. Some photographers and student groups have even set up their own photoshoots. The campaign photos have circulated on the internet and are appearing on many supporter’s social networking profiles, mostly gays and lesbians from the Los Angelesarea.
During the Miss USA 2009 controversy, former Miss USA, Shanna Moakler and co-executive state pageant director Keith Lewis encouragedTamiko Nash, Miss California and Miss USA 2006 first runner-up, and 2008 Miss California Raquel Beezley to attend a photo shoot to protest Carrie Prejean‘s views on same-sex marriage in the United States. Later, former Miss USA and Miss Universe 1997 Brook Leeposed for the NOH8 campaign.
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