Do You Like The HIP HOP?

I know Hip Hop can be considered controversial but I like it. Sometimes the music has good messages. These are some of my favorites.

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Fronting

These days I feel like I am fronting. Fronting ~ Trying to pass yourself off as something you are not.Sometimes mistakenly seen as an aspect of “fake it until you make it”. The fronter, however, will never be able to “make it”.

I feel as if I am never going to make it and that I am just a big fraud pretending to be something I am not. I feel so doubtful about myself ever since I took this job. I know I’ve come really far. I have an education and now I am even licensed, but I feel like a fraud anyway. These feelings began to arise when I took this new job. I am  employed as a clinician for mental health. During my work hours I ask myself I am I a clinician? I can’t hardly believe it. Me a clinician someone that has her life upside down more often than not. I believe the feelings come from fear that I will get terminated. You see I’ve been terminated before for doing a very similar job. I may have written about that before. I don’t remember if I did. You see where I work now is the same location that I worked before, but not with the same company. I work for Prison Health Services. We provide mental health services to prisoners in correctional facilities. I only started working there in August. Going back to what I was saying another company fired me for doing a very similar job. I was fired because they felt my writing skills were not up to par for the computerized note system. I know I can’t write for shit. I try but it’s hard for me. My sometimes excuse is that I know two languages and that may be what gets in the way. I don’t know. In this new job a have to document frequently and my writing skills are once again highlighted. I hate that and it makes me feel really uneasy and scared. I am afraid that I won’t be able to keep up and do the work the way they expect me to do it. I know that with the inmates I build rapports quickly and as a result I provide good clinical work, but my writing skills really suck.  I know I can do something about it. Like go back to school for a writing course. I’ve done that before and it just does not stick.  Anyway I figure by writing about it might help. May be I should write more often to get practice. In the mean time I am going to the post office to pick up some outfits I ordered to use at the new job. Wish me luck I will keep you all posted.