Nervous

By John Godward

I have been nervous these days because next month I take my licensing exam for social work. I am also nervous because I don’t have a job again and can’t get one until I am licensed. That scares me a lot. I am suppose to be studying and I have been procrastinating despite the fear. What is wrong with me I ask. I have tried to study but not enough. Today I plan too study, but who knows what will happen today to stop me. I don’t know what to do about the procrastinating and can’t help but think that it could be self sabotage. As far is working is concerned, I want to work, but after getting terminated from my last job I feel like I can’t perform anymore in my chosen field. I am nervous and fear that I may not be fit to be a social worker. I am very disillusioned and can’t seem to be able to snap out of it. I just hope that I do soon so I can start my career up and running again. Until then I will keep trying and I hope enough to get me out of this quandary. I have never felt so inept in my whole life. I been known to be driven and able to achieve anything that I want to achieve, but now I feel defeated and unable to get passed these feelings. I worry that “I have fallen and can’t get up.” I don’t pray or meditate often, but I think in this case I better get down to the floor and start for I need all the support I can get from my higher power. Finally, I hope that when I write again I will be able to say that I got passed all that negativity, but for now I am nervous that I won’t get passed it.

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