I Wanted to Believe

His subway stop to his home

I wanted to believe that he at least cared. We been seeing each other for over five years now. Now he has decided to extricate himself from me. I can’t believe that it is happening because I did not see it coming. I know he started saying that he met someone that has captured his attention. At first I thought that it was not a big deal because she is not even close to our age. She is much younger. I thought that may be he would forget it, but he  has not on the contrary he has decided to court her. Now I am in disbelief and find myself unable to accept it. I cry constantly and feel helpless. I know at first we had a cordial conversations about it. I allowed that because I thought nothing of it. What has  happened now is that this is a reality and because of it I have become insanely jealous and can’t even stand the thought of a woman that I have never met. She seems to have captured his heart in little time something that I have been unable to do with years of time. I feel so rejected and have tried to have a conversation with him about it, but he won’t allow it. He keeps telling me that he does not want to talk now and hangs up the phone. I feel now as if we never spent time together and that I never made an impact in his  life. I know from our past quarrels that he could be insensitive and often does not comprehend why I get angry and feel misunderstood. What confirms that was yesterday when we argued and shouted until late evening as a result of all the quarreling the last time we spoke  he said in a tone that I have never heard before to stop calling him. That tone in his voice is still in my head and I could still hear it today. The tone in his voice sounded to me like hate and disdain towards me. I finally once I heard him that way it made me realize that he does not care for me, but in spite of it all, incredibly I started today in a more peaceful mode because I know I must move on finally and let him go. I know this because I  have tried with all my might to get him to hear me and see that I love him, but he  has decided that he won’t accept my cries. That only proves to me the obvious and that is that he does not care as a result, today I will try to put it all behind me and like I said before I will move on with my life.   All I have ever wanted to believe is that he cares.


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